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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A very long rant
From: anne@panix.com (Annie)
Date: 19 May 1997 17:12:10 -0400

What it feels like to have dog shit crammed down your throat.

Once upon a time I had an ATM card from Chase Manhattan Bank. But then 
Chase, without consulting me, sent me a _new_ and _better_ card: an ATM 
card disguised as a MasterCard credit card! A debit card! Yes!

No!

I don't want a debit card. I don't need a debit card. My credit rating benefits
Not At All from a fake credit card. I have perfectly good credit cards. JUST 
GIVE ME MY DAMN ATM BANK CARD WITH NO OTHER LOGOS ON IT, PLEASE. Please.

So I just ignored the card, cut it up, threw it away, continued to use my 
"classic" ATM card. So did James.

But! Because we did not call up and activate and then cancel the debit card, 
thus marking our account as one preferring to receive the "classic" card at 
renewal time--at renewal time, when our cards expired, WE RECEIVED 
NO CARD AT ALL. What a great system!

So I called. I bitched. They said, gee, you should have called and 
activated/canceled that debit card, then you would have automatically gotten 
your classic card on time. Here, let us fix your account, they said. Now 
we'll send you a new classic card, and henceforth (they said) you will only 
receive classic cards at renewal time.

Well, when hubby's card expired he had to go through the same hoops to get 
his new classic card. But here's the twist: when *I* canceled/renewed my 
card, his portion of the account remained untouched (he would have to call 
up himself). But when _he_ canceled/renewed _his_ card, why golly 
gee! The teller decided that MY CARD ought to be canceled and renewed 
again too! After all, hubby IS a MAN. Never mind that *I* am the primary 
account holder and he the joint holder. Oh no! If the husband cancels his 
card--the little wifey gets zapped too! This would not have been as deeply 
humiliating, but I was on vacation at the time, with Nina. Yes, that's right. 
I was 7.5 hours from home with an 11.5 week old child and cut off from my 
bank account.

Brilliant.

So I called. I bitched. It was a very long conversation, and I spoke with a 
Manager. They said, gee, we don't know how that happened. But hey, a 
new card is being mailed to you! But I'm not at home you morons! I yelled. 
Well, okay. Go to your nearest branch and pick up a *temporary* card. In 
the meantime, (they said), we'll cancel that card that's in the mail to you 
(we have to, in order to issue a temporary!!) and mail another one! Why, I 
said, can't you just REACTIVATE the card I have? We're talking a 
KEYSTROKE here, folks, I said. No, no! they said. It just can't be done. 
Security reasons, y'know. Security my white zitty butt. Bad programming 
is more like it.

I went to the nearest branch. I requested a temporary card. The bank 
manager called up my information on her computer. Oh, you lost your card? 
she said. NO, I panted, it was CANCELED in SEXIST ERROR. Oh, she 
said. It says here in the system that you lost it. This, after a twenty-
minute, manager-involved call. Well, I'll be dipped in shit, I muttered 
under my breath. And I took my temporary card and skedaddled.

Back home from vacation, I cut up my first new classic ATM card. I cut up 
the second classic card. I cut up the temporary card. And I put the third-
issued classic card in my wallet (after determining that it indeed worked). I 
thought perhaps it would all end there.

But no.

Today, in the mail.

A MasterCard ATM card, in my name, with a sticker on it--Call To Activate!

Aie.

So I called. I bitched.  I said, I'm on my fourth ATM card in a month. What 
about this scenario still isn't clear to you folks? What do I have to do? 
Well, they said, you have to activate/cancel the MasterCard card. But, I said, 
won't that deactivate my current NEW classic card? Oh, yes, they said. 
That's how it works. Then we'll send you a new classic ATM card in the 
mail......

I've had nicer recurring nightmares than this.

What, I said, is to prevent you from sending me another one of these 
damned debit cards in the future? Well, they said, once you order a classic 
card, your account will be marked as such, and you will only receive classic 
cards in the future.

Now, where have I heard THAT ONE before?

Walter V. Shipley
CEO
270 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017

That's his name. That's his address. Until today, I wasn't going to send 
him a letter. Really, I wasn't. I was going to let bygones be bygones. But 
now? Oh Ho!

Annie