From gary@do3.pace.co.uk Mon Oct 13 21:22:24 1997 Date: Fri, 10 Oct 1997 13:28:19 +0100 From: Gary John Peters Cc: colin@do4 Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: Re: Dead Baby Jokes Sabre Man wrote: > > what's 12 inches long, pink, hard and drives women mad in the morning ?? > a cot death > How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? > Stick a javelin thru it's head > Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first? > So you can watch the expression on it's face > What's red and sits in the corner? > a baby chewing on razor blades. > What's blue and sits in the corner? > A baby in a baggie. > What's green and sits in the corner? > The same baby a month later. > What's red and goes round and round? > A baby in a garbage disposal. > What's red and swings back and forth? > A baby on a meat hook. > How do you make a dead baby float? > A tall glass of Fresca and two scoops of dead baby. > What's easier to unload: A truckload of bowling balls or > a truckload of dead babies? > A truckload of dead babies because you can use a pitchfork. > When a baby is being born, why do they boil water? > So that if its born dead they can make soup. > What's present do you get for a dead baby? > A dead puppy. > How do you get a thousand dead babies into a Volkswagen? > With a blender. > How do you get then out? > With a straw. > Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first? > So you can see the expression on its face. > What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before > exploding? > A baby in a microwave. > Why did the family take the dead baby along on the > cookout? > So they could light it and toast their marshmallows. > Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer? > The family used it to crack nuts. > Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room? > They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle. > What's red and screams and goes around in circles? > A Baby nailed to the floor. > What's red and sits in a corner? > A baby shaving its head with a potato peeler. > What's black and sits in a corner? > A baby with it's finger in a power point. > What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? > Ripping it off again. > What's more fun than spinning a dead baby on a clothes rack at > 100mph? > Stopping it with a cricket bat. > What's green and spins around at 100mph? > A frog in a blender. > What's red and spins around at 100mph? > A baby that's crawled in after it. > What's black and spins around slowly? > A foetus in a rotisserie. > What do you call two abortions in a bucket? > Blood brothers. > What's blue and yellow and floats at the bottom of the pool? > A baby with slashed water-wings. > Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hallway? > He had a javelin through his neck. > What's black and bobs up and down? > A baby in a toaster. > What's the difference between an abortion and sand? > You can't eat sand. > What's BABYLON? > The stuff you spray on babies before you iron them. > What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? > A peeled baby in a bag of salt. > What squeals and goes around at 100mph? > A baby in an electric fan. > What's more fun than a barrel full of dead babies? > A barrel full of dead babies with a live one on the bottom trying > to get up. > What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? > A bus load of babies on fire. > What bounces up and down at 100mph? > A baby tied to the back of a truck. > What's brown and gurgles? > A baby in a casserole. > What's better than a baby in a bucket? > The same baby in two buckets. > What's worse than 6 babies in one jar? > One baby in 6 jars... > How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones? > Jab 'em all with a pitchfork. > What is worse than that? > At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out > What is worse than that? > It made it > What is worse than that? > It went back for seconds! > What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? > Twins in an acid bath. > What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? > A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler! > Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle > baby oil? > What's the difference between an abortion and sand? > You can't eat sand. > What's more fun than a barrel full of dead babies? > A barrel full of dead babies with a live one on the bottom trying > to get up. > What bounces up and down at 100mph? > A baby tied to the back of a truck. > What's better than a baby in a bucket? > The same baby in two buckets. > What's worse than finding a pile of dead babies? > Finding a pile of dead babies and one on the bottom eating it`s way out. > What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? > A baby with forks in its eyes > What's red and white and stringy and hangs from trees? > A baby that's been hit by a snowblower > What's more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff? > Catching it with a pitchfork > What's pink and goes black with a "hiss!"? > A baby thrown into a furnace > How do you save a baby from drowning? > Take your foot off its head > What's the definition of fun? > Playing fetch with a pitbull using a baby > What's the difference between a baby and a onion? > No one cries when you chop up the baby. > Q:What do you get when you hit a baby in the head with a frying pan? > A: An erection! > > Cre8vSteph wrote in message > <19971009200901.QAA06373@ladder02.news.aol.com>... > >If you've got good dead baby jokes, please post 'em!!! -- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gary John Peters Mechanical Design Engineer _______________________________________________________________________________ Pace Microtechnology Plc Salts Mill, Saltaire, Shipley, West Yorkshire, BD18 3LF 01274 532000 Ext. 7336 ________________________________________________________________________________ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------