Seen on the noticeboard at my work:

M E M O R A N D U M
TO:		All Staff
FROM:	Management
DATE:		12 August 1996
SUBJECT:	EARLY RETIREMENT

__________________________________________________________________


Due to the current financial situation, Management has decided to
implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This
scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Retirement). Persons who have been
RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for
Retired Early Workers). A Person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependents of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earning for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS of HERPES will not be SHAFTED
or SCREWED by Management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount
of SHIT it gives its staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough
SHIT please bring it to the attention of your Manager. He has been trained
to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.