Xref: pilchuck rec.humor:135135 rec.humor.d:2828 Path: pilchuck!entropy1!uw-beaver!nntp.cs.ubc.ca!news.ultranet.com!homer.alpha.net!uwm.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!ais.net!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.221.240.2!tungsten.tor.sfl.net!newsadmin@tor.sfl.net From: ao766@freenet.toronto.on.ca (Dark Shadow) Newsgroups: alt.humor,rec.humor,rec.humor.d Subject: six scripts of secrets (Joke!) Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 21:55:14 GMT Organization: Shaw FiberLink Ltd. Lines: 427 Message-ID: <34e67b1d.44987854@news.jet2.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: dyn-56.jet2.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.5/32.452 I dunno whether it is true or not. Maybe after reading, u'll know (But anyway, no offence ok?) Its jus for ur reference and treat it as a reading stuff lor... But I'm sure, it'll help! Haha! (I'm a guy mah...) To the guys: Oi! u all must read and then judge how true it is!!! Personally, I feel its quite true leh...hahaha!!! Really speak everything out! Can laugh like mad one I tell u all... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Hope The Match Never Ends... Cos When The Match Ends, The Memories Begin... ... Dennis... Part I ****** What Guys think about gals' appearances. 1] You keep short hair and you think it look cool? Don't try to look like us! Cause you'll never suceed! We guys prefer gals with long silky hair. 2] Looks like you have got a very RED lips! Tryin' to give the "Kiss of Death"? Save that lipstick up, will you? 3] You spray on the whole bot'le of perfume thinking you smell nice, but I really hate to tell you this, a little is Ok, but this is TOO SMELLY! 4] Don't ever wear your gown to a date. try to imagine a gown in a fast food joint! 5] Don't try wearin' tight fit'in outfits unless you think you've a body like Amy Yip. 6] Why don't you try something simple and sweet, instead of those "latest fashion" stuff all the time. 7] You cut your hair into different lengths, very short here, and very long there. Don't try to look cool, try shavin' them, saves you the trouble of hair cutting anyway. 8] You think you look great with the new dye on your hair? But let us be frank and honest. We like shiny, dark hair, not some green haired creatures from donno-where! 9] You wear three earings on your ears and fells great? We're not tryin' to pour cold water, but they make your ear look big and ugly. 10] Don't wear your mommy's very high heel shoes for date and tell us you can't walk any futher because they hurt! ***** The End ***** Part II ******* The Datin' Game A guy stumbled and mumbled over the phone and finally managed to get you (his "dreamgal") out for a date, your first DATE! But now, you're worryin' over where you should go and what you should do and you started preparin' a whole long list of suitable conversation topics, memorizin' every single one and fully prepared to use them when you have nothin' to talk about with him! Then, you'll start to worry over your looks. Oh my goodness! Why do the pimples have to pop out just when the important occasion is just round the corner? To Hell with it! There you go, walkin' over Singapore's pharmacys tryin' to get the best pimple cream and yell when it doesn't disappear the minute you applied it on your face. You'll start to squeeze your pimples one by one hopin' they'll disappear under your skin but let me tell you this,they get worst than usual! (Why didn't you tell me earlier ?)Shucks! You begin diggin' into your wardrobe tryin' to find the most fashionable clothes,hopin' to make your dream guy faint at first sight. (I tell you, it'll never happen.) You get up real early that day and stay in the bathroom for 4 hours tryin' to rid off every single smell (Fragrance ?) until your mummy starts naggin' and you have to leave very reluctantly makin' funny faces behind your mummy's back! Your put on your best outfits and 'steals' your mummy's favourite perfume for your own use! Later you find that you don't smell good enough and starts to eye on your sister's perfume. In the end you grab it up and *Spray*Spray* ...and hmmm...Not bad... (*Yucks!* ) You walk pass one of the shop's glass windows and starts starin' into your reflection, admirin' and smilin' to yourself until the passerby think you just came out from the Woodbridge Hospital! You reached Orchard MRT Station to find it crowded with thousands of teens, worryin' you might lose him (Serves you right for choosin' this place!).But *Phew*! you're ONLY 2 hours late. You finally found him, and even though he smile and say "Hi", he's really thinking, "Damn this lady, 2 HOURS! Should NEVER EVER date her AGAIN!" He now put on his best smile and tries to hold your hand, you just shuns him off sayin' his hands were wet from sweat! (Try imagine waiting for 2 hours and you'll sweat right here seating down!) He guide you to the McDonalds and suggests to have dinner there, but you complain that it is too noisy and wants to go to Compass Rose! (Give that guy a break!) He broke out in sweat and started lookin' for the nearest ATM machine. At last you finally gave in, and settle for Ponderosa! (He's paying ok!) After the dinner, he suggested goin' for a walk but you declines it sayin' she's tired and wants to go home, your mummy will scold. Of course he force himself to remain cheerful and you two catch a cab and he sends you home. When you reached her home, he expects a g'bye kiss (Comon, at least thank him!)but you just walks off without a word. Disappointed, he ask the driver to drive him home. He called, he waited, he paid and he paid. No thanks, no kiss, no nothing. Let me be frank with you. You'll never hear from this guy again. ***** The End ***** Part III ******** What Guys Think About Gals Durin' A Date 1] You always walk behind us as if we're your little doggies, but we're not! Don't treat us like we know where to go! You should at least give some suggestions and walk SIDE by SIDE! 2] You go to the washroom more than we do and don't think we're not aware of it! You're just too concern over your makeups and lipstick which you've spent hours maintaining it! 3] We're willin' to split the cost, but you never refuse when we offered to pay, and later you complained that we shouldn't be paying so much! 4] You said you hate people smoking and there you are walking straight to smoking areas to eat, instead of the no-smoking areas. 5] You bump into your friends on the street and starts talkin' to them, and before you know it, we're totally ignored, as if we doesn't exist before your eyes. And we're standin' here like an idiot! What did you do? "Just my ah boy lah, never mind about him", and carry on with your other subjects. 6] We settle down for lunch at one of the fastfood restaurant and you started talking NON-STOP about the lastest fashion and your friends! Spare us!We can fall asleep! ZZZzzzzz..... 7] We ordered the food and you began eating bit by bit, little by little, as if you are not hungry, when you are actually shouting "FEED ME!" 8] After the meal, you started talking again, non-stop. Go be a DeeJay in a 24 hour non-stop radio station then. 9] After the date, We walk you to the MRT station and said "Shall I sent you home?" and you reply with a "no thanks" Case 1 : When we insist, you started blaming us about not respecting your human rights etc...etc... Case 2 : When we listen to you, you started labeling us insensitive and irresponsibile. 10] When the guy sends you back, he himself have to take a taxi, in the middle of the night, and burn a big hole in his wallet. Coz? He lives in Jurong and you in Yishun. Gentlemen are not extinct, but little girls force them into hiding. ***** The End ***** Part IV ******* What you should do on a date 1] You should let the guy fetch you from your home. 2] Suggest a few places where you want to go and I mean SUGGEST, not hint. 3] Never pay for a guy! Go dutch if you want to, but not the whole cost, no matter how filty rich you are. 4] Always walk by him side by side. Do not lag behind all the time or lead the way. 5] Hold his hands, be initiative, if not, hold the elbow would be nice too. 6] Do not let him make all the decision, SUGGEST. If not, he'll think you don't have a mind. 7] Mind your manners when you are with him. Reduce your talking speed, you're not with your sisters now! 8] Do put on some perfume. you want to smell nice, but not over dose, some guys have sensitive noses! 9] Unless both party truthful can stay out late, try to reach home before midnight. You don't want to get a scolding from your dad or him from his mum, or creating the fear in him about how you would drag and drag and not letting him go. You might never see him again, and you'll never know why. 10] Lastly, let the guy sent you home. Be it by bus, MRT, cab, but keep his financial limit in mind. But never insist that he sent you home. He might got reasons for not doing so, I mean, which gentleman wouldn't sent a lady home, unless very late and "Mummy will scold"? *** The End **** Part V ****** What criterias do most guys consider upon choosin' a girlfriend. Most gals talk about this, feeling that they know all about this, well, let me tell you this, YOU ARE WRONG. Well, some of you must be feeling uneasy now, or smiling from ear to ear, dependin' on whether you are a glamourous gal, or just a plain Jane. Well, forget about it, coz you all stand equal chance in getting that guy you want. Most of you glamourous gals out there will have no problem getting a guy, or changing guys ever so often without any effort! and those plain Jane will just have to spend their time with their gal friends, eyeing guys and envyin' those flirtatious female getting all the guys they want. Well, don't dispair. There's always hope. I won't deny the fact that we guys do consider looks upon choosin' galfriend. Which sane guy out there would not turn a eye when a sweet lase walk pass? But, only a very very small minority take that as the one and only requirement. Looks on a gal is just one way in catching a guys attention. Guys will jump and hop and run around just to get a glimpse of "that cute chick" but when it comes to a galfriend, there's more in it then just looks. Guys do not just look at gals physically. 'Internal beauty' counts more. There can only be one Vivien Chow, but there are many plain Jane around, so relax. Guys also list nice personality and characters as their requirements in getting a gal. Try to imagine a beautiful gal, with a bad temper, insensitive, and all the bad characters you can find. I can bet with you that this gal will get a date every day, with a different guy each day, but none will want a second date with her anymore. Be the kind of gal guys want. Beauty is a "gift", either you have it or you don't, but character can be build. Be considerate, sensitive, polite, initiative, and most importantly, care for the guy. If you are nice to us guys, we'll feel it, don't worry! We'll not faint when we sees you, or drool when we dream about you, but once we saw the inner you, we'll never leave you. Two different people, two very good friends, will never have the same taste regarding beauty. Even though they might both consider a gal beautiful, both will see the beauty in two different views. After all, we are humans, aren't we? Therefore, a summarise of that guys look for in a galfriend. (1) Looks - an average face will do (2) How she live her life (3) How she treats others ****MOST IMPORTANTLY**** (4) How she treats the guy she likes. I think most of you gals should be able to meet the above requirements, the thing now is now you show it. So, be sure of yourself. ***** The End ***** Part VI ******* Gals, the different categories OK, gals, classification time. Let's see you in your true beauty or uglyness now! There are different categories which gals falls into: [ 1] Daddy/Mummy/Granny's pet These gals do not have a mind of their own. They kept mentioning the names of whoever listed above when they talk, and seems to live abiding the "Laws" of whoever controls them. "Mummy says..." "My Daddy says .... " kept poping out, and most guys dislike this group of gaps. Try imagining dating and the gal says "My Mummy say cannot go ..... " POP! there goes our list of "Where To Go During A Date". They generally wears more old stuff, like a little girl out from a 70s movie. Their "guardian angles" choose their chothings, and hairstyle, etc..etc.. GALS! Please be more independent! Where are your rights! [ 2] Desperado This kinda gals are really something. They seems to be nuns before and have never saw/heard/touched/smell a guy before. They will wonder all day who that gorgeous guy next door are and am curious and dying to find out more about this species of human! They'll turn to stone if a handsome guy look at them and absolutely die if Tom Cruise is that guy. They'll faint if a guy talk to them, and will never ever wash their hands again if a guy touch them. They beg and they cry and they pester their friends to give them a guy's number and the next thing you know it, they'll come begging and crying and pestering for the number of another guy they saw while walking to the telephone booth! Relax! Stick on one guy and you'll have a boyfriend, jumping from one to another would never help. [ 3] Studious/hardworkin' There "breed" of gals lives on books. They study and study, yet they never know the meaning of guys or even such a word exist! They treat all humans ,male or female, alike (bluntly), and never lift an eyebrow if Leon Lai walk pass. *Sign* Go marry a Book then. [ 4] Innocent There are those gals who are totally innocent and totally naive, living around! Guys LOVE them! They blush whenever a guy talk to them, donno what to do on dates, and always look at the ground when a guy talks to her. They cover their eyes and scream if they saw a top-less guy, and will faint if ask on a date. *Tsk* *Tsk* Shy, Shy, but guys adore these breed of gals! Too bad they seems to extinct now. [ 5] Flirtatious Babes They're exactly the opposite to the innocent ones. They have many ways to win a guys' heart and are always crowded with many guys. They mix well with guys and got dates every single day. Hm.... a gal like this might win your heart, guys, but are you sure she will not ditch you? [ 6] Romantic Poets This kind of gals go for romance in a guy. They want candlelight and sunsets. They adore the night and LOVE to live in France. They get lost easily listening to songs and stare for hours at the "beautiful" scenery and forgot about her date. Well, some guys love it. They are of this type themselves, but others hate it. [ 7] Faithful/Loyal Of all the gals in this world, they are the most priceless. They're faithful and loyal to their guy and stick to their guy no matter what happens. They place their guy above all and during dates, will never lift an eyebrow even if Miss Universe walks pass, and look and admire you. So Guys! If you want to get a galfriend, grab this kind fast. There's not much left on on the face of this earth. [ 8] Lack of Confidence There's this kind of gal around who stick to their guy like glue, afraid to lose him. She never like him to talk to other gals, afraid he will ditch her. They keep an eye on their guy and feel uneasy if the guy disappears. Guys! This chick will give you a feeling that someone really cares for you, but tends to become a pain in the neck after some time. [ 9] Sister Act This group of gals over-care for their guys. They obey their guy 100% and never reject his opinion. She's willing to sacrifice anything for him and does everything for him. She loves him 100% and make the guy feel as if this gal is his bigger sister being instructed to look after him. She babysits him and care for him. Most guys would like this kind of gal, but try not to care and interfere too much into the guy's life. It makes him feel insecure. So gals, which catergory you fall into? *** The End *** =========================================================== My Homepage - http://www.jet2.net/~jbaillie ICQ UIN - 4016080 Under United States law, it is unlawful "to use any telephone facsimile machine, computer, or other device to send an unsolicited advertisement" http://www.ca-probate.com/faxlaw.htm Canadian laws against spam: http://www.stopspam.org/usenet/mmf/laws/canada.html A service of Netizens Against Gratuitous Spamming http://www.nags.org/ http://antispam.org/ http://www.cauce.org ===========================================================