From pxystick@netins.net Thu Oct 30 20:48:27 1997 Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 13:12:53 -0600 From: pxystick Reply-To: pxystick@NOSPAMnetins.net Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: Re: Another lil johnny joke.. Jennifer Johnson wrote: > > >>The teacher asked her students to use the word > "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York > City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." > The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the > word "fascinate." > Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to > the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." > The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word > "fascinate." > Litte Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated > because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there > was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on > him. > Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, > but her boobs are so big she can only "fasten 8." Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!" Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a goddamned dog but I can't find the son of a bitch." Little Johnny one weekend afternoon, upon coming home early from the park, hears loud yelling and squeeking coming from his parents room. He opens the door to find his parent in the act of having wild sex. "What are you doing?", Johnny says to his parents. His father speaks up and says "Oh nothing Johnny, we are playing poker, your mother is my "Wild Card". Johnny, content with this answer, goes about his business. Later that day Johnny's father walks into Johnny's bedroom without knocking only to find little Johnny wildly Beating his meat off. "Johnny, for god sake", exclaims the father, "don't you know your supposed to have a "Wild Card" instead of doing that !!" Johnny replies, "Why would I need a wild card, when I have a great hand like this ??" Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father qiuckly replied"I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?" Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, "Johnny. This is where you come from." Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny." "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd." A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the fuck do you think?" The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her." A few days later she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and recited, "Mary had a little pig, an ornery little runt/He stuck his nose in Mary's clothes, and smelled her little--" he stopped and asked the teacher if she wanted poetry or prose. "Prose!" the teacher said weakly. So Johnny said, "Asshole." The Little Johnny was 8 years old when his parents decided to have him circumcised (looking different than dad, other kids, etc). After a few days of recovery, the boy went back to school. After about an hour, the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse. He went to see her, but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was.She suggested that he call his Mom and see if she could come and get him. The nurse waited in the other room while the call was made. After a few minutes the little boy came out and started walking back to class, but the nurse noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants. She said, "Johnny, what are you doing? You can't walk around like that." He replied, "Well I told my Mom how much I hurt and she said that if I could just stick it out till lunchtime she would come pick me up then." Little Johnny's in school one day, when the teacher decides to do some alphabet excercises. Holding up a flash card, she asks if anyone can name an object that starts with "A". Several hands go up, including Johnny's. Knowing what a vile child he is and liable to come up with some filthy answer, she deliberately overlooks him and calls on a little girl in the first row. "Apple" says the little girl. "That's very good , Karen." replies the teacher. She next holds up a card with a "B" on it and repeats the excercise, again ignoring Johnny's frantic attempts to be called on. This goes on through the alphabet until she gets to the letter "R". As she searches the classroom for raised hands, only one exists. Johnny is jumping in his seat by now and looks like he's ready to burst! Against her better judgement, she has no choice but to call on him. "Okay, Johnny, let's have it." she says , bracing for the inevitable. "RAT", Johnny replies. Astonished at his answer, the teacher smiles, and says "That's VERY good, Joh..... "Yeah", continues Johnny, "A big fuckin' rat with a cock THIS LONG!" -- --------------------------------- Use enough dynamite there, Butch? Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid --------------------------------- remove NOSPAM to reply