* Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? * Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? * Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? * Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? * Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? * Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? * Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? * How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? * If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? * If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? * If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? * If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? * If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? * You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? * Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? * Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? * Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? * You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? * Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? * Did you know who in 1923 was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street? * These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men? 1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane. 3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself. 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide. * The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent. CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF ?? From nf-nt-smi.!news1.jaring.my!news2.jaring.my!news-out.internetmci.com!news.internetMCI.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!enews.sgi.com!EU.net!howland.erols.net!europa.clark.net!newsfeeds.sol.net!hammer.uoregon.edu!leto.ou.edu!news.ou.edu!not-for-mail Tue Apr 15 09:29:54 1997 Path: nf-nt-smi.!news1.jaring.my!news2.jaring.my!news-out.internetmci.com!news.internetMCI.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!enews.sgi.com!EU.net!howland.erols.net!europa.clark.net!newsfeeds.sol.net!hammer.uoregon.edu!leto.ou.edu!news.ou.edu!not-for-mail From: "Um....um...um...well..." Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: Re: Thoughts to Ponder Date: Wed, 09 Apr 1997 16:47:18 -0500 Organization: Central Insanity Agency Lines: 43 Message-ID: <334C0E66.31DB@ou.edu> References: <5ia9l6$1p3$2@nntp2.ba.best.com> <19970409002100.UAA20560@ladder01.news.aol.com> <335b2bc7.15374853@news.msnv1.occa.home.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ouppp122.modems.ou.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.02 (Win95; I) To: The Incubus Here's some more thoughts to ponder... If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? How did a fool and his money GET together? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? How do they get the deer to cross at the yellow road sign? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? What's another word for thesaurus? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? What do they use to ship Styrofoam? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? When you choke a Smurf what color does it turn? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? Is it possible to be totally partial? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If the funeral procession is at night, do folk drive with the lights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?