Xref: pilchuck rec.humor:136573 rec.humor.d:3079 Path: pilchuck!entropy1!uw-beaver!news.u.washington.edu!newsfeed.direct.ca!newsfeed.internetmci.com!206.221.240.2!news.tor.shaw.wave.ca!newsadmin@tor.sfl.net From: ao766@freenet.toronto.on.ca (Dark Shadow) Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.humor,alt.humor,rec.humor,rec.humor.d Subject: If Men were in charge of Weddings..... Date: Fri, 20 Feb 1998 11:52:58 GMT Organization: Shaw FiberLink Ltd. Lines: 149 Message-ID: <34f66e2d.220052309@news.jet2.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: dyn-17.jet2.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.5/32.452 If Men Were in Charge of Weddings..... There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet,a Harley! Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man". There would be "Tailgate Receptions". Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her ass. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que. No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something. Invitations would read as follow... Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain... He's getting married. He either: A)knocked her up B)couldn't get a different roommate or C)caved in to her ultimatum.. Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium on the 50 Yard Line At Half-time during Sunday's Game Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.. Submitted by . . . MneMed217 @aol.com This Column is archived at: http://www.ComedyCenter.com/archive/1998/02/E19980217.htm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Permission is granted to forward or post this Column, provided that 1) the message is forwarded/posted with the subscription and contact addresses and legal disclaimer contained in this signature file are included with the post. 2) no fee is charged. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This column is the official daily publication of these fine sites . . ComedyCenter at http://www.ComedyCenter.com LaughNet at http://www.laughnet.net Cosmos Joke Page at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/2655/ LAUGHaDAY at http://www.LAUGHaDAY.com Rick's Laugh Zone at http://web.egr.msu.edu/~thelenri/laugh/laugh.htm TBones ComedyCorner at http://members.aol.com/tbonelafs/index.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TO SUBSCRIBE or UNSUBSCRIBE: Send a e-mail message to: Robot@Jokes.cc with the words "subscribe jokes" in the body. or with the words "unsubscribe jokes: in the body ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Direct e-Mail Addresses TO SUBMIT JOKES - Jokes@ComedyCenter.com GENERAL QUESTIONS - Webmaster@Jokes.cc ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FYI-Autoresponder Infobots Our Policy Statement - Policy@ComedyCenter.com How to add your friends - Friends@ComedyCenter.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEGAL STUFF: This piece is published as submitted and we do not claim to own any copyright privileges to it. The work was sent to us as an item for the mailing list. If you are a copyright owner of this material, please contact us immediately at Webmaster@Mid-Am.com =========================================================== My Homepage - http://www.jet2.net/~jbaillie ICQ UIN - 4016080 Under United States law, it is unlawful "to use any telephone facsimile machine, computer, or other device to send an unsolicited advertisement" http://www.ca-probate.com/faxlaw.htm Canadian laws against spam: http://www.stopspam.org/usenet/mmf/laws/canada.html A service of Netizens Against Gratuitous Spamming http://www.nags.org/ http://antispam.org/ http://www.cauce.org ===========================================================