From com11z@bayou.uh.eduThu May 8 21:14:59 1997 Date: 17 Apr 1997 20:59:26 GMT From: julieta cuellar To: com11z@bayou.uh.edu Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: Re: Mommy, Mommy... (Eric Prenovost) wrote: >On 17 Apr 1997 07:35:36 GMT, chuck241@aol.com wrote: > >>In article <19970326043800.XAA07497@ladder01.news.aol.com>, noctune@aol.com (Noctune) writes: >> >>>If anyone out there has any Mommy,Mommy... Jokes, could you send me some? >>> >>> >> >>Mommy, Mommy, what happened to the scabs on your arm? Shut up and eat your corn flakes. >> >> >Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? >Shut up and eat your meat loaf. > >Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? > Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet. > >Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts. >Shut up and eat what's put in front of you. > >Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner? >Shut up and get back in the oven! > >Mommy, Mommy! What is a delinquent child? >Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards. > >Mommy, Mommy! What is a delinquent child? >Shut up and pass me the crowbar. > >Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? >Shut up and get back in the oven. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere? >Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg! > >Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise. >Shut up and eat around it! > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma? >Not today, we already dug her three times this week. > >Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? >Shut up and eat your corn flakes! > >Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa? >Shut up and get back in the box! > >Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey! >Shut up and comb your face! > >Mommy, Mommy! What's an orgasm? >I don't know dear, ask your father. > >Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear. >Billy, let go of Susie's ear. Billy! Let go of her ear! All right >Billy, give me the ear. > >Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts. >Well, just leave them on the side of the plate. > >Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac? >Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob! > >Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale? >Shut up and keep digging. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa. >Well, just push him aside and eat your beans. > >Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! >Well throw some more gasoline on him then. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia. >Shut up son and keep swimming. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff? >Shut up son, you'll wake your father. > >Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles. >Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. > >Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here; have you got the money or should I go >out an play? > >Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running? >Shut up and reload. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't wanna visit grandma! >Shut up and keep digging. > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl? >Shut up and flush. > >Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim! >Shut up or I'll flush it again! > >Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here. >Shut up or I'll flush it again. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgs for supper! >Shut up or I'll grind your other hand. > >Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice! >Shut up and drink it before it clots. > >Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire? >Shut up and eat your soup before it clots. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup! >Shut up, we only have it once a month. > >Mommy, Mommy! I HATE spaghetti! >Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm. > >Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye! >Shut up and eat around it. > >Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked! >Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks! > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant? >Of course not dear, you are only seven years old. OK boys, same >again... > >Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garburator? >Shut up and chew! > >Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail. >Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin! > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I buy a new dress? >Shut up, you know it won't fit over your iron lung. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids? >Shut up and deal. > >Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! >Shut up and get away from the dart board! > >Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big. >Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the >car in! > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox? >Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we give Dad a decent burial? >Shut up and keep flushing. > >Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! >Shut up and get the marshmallows! > >Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire! >Shut up and get the barbecue sauce! > >Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street! >Shut up and step on the gas! > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls! >Shut up and get back in the barrel! > >Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles? >Shut up and get back in the barrel! > >Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder! >Shut up and eat your hamburger! > >Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course? >Shut up and search the sand traps! > >Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers! >Shut up and eat your french fries! > >Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying? >Shut up and eat your hot dog! > >Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again? >Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis! >Shut up, and keep eating! > >Mommy, Mommy! I'd like to play marbles now! >Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glass eye today! > >Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.. >Shut up, Albert.... > >Mommy, Mommy! Sally won't come skipping with me. >Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a big head? >Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the >store. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose? >You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor. > >Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim? >Shut up and get back in the sack! > >Mommy, Mommy! Why does daddy have his Knob in the bread bin? >Ignore him son, he's fucking crackers! > >Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the right way to cook Peking Duck?" >Shut up and close the microwave oven door behind you! > >Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my >legs? >You will when you're older, Lucy! > >Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas in July? >Shut up, you know you have cancer. > >Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much. >All right, you can take another slice. > >Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school? >Shut up and take your legs out your pockets. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap. >Shut up and keep eating. > >Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing. >Shut up and stop squirming. > >Hope these help. >Eric. > [ Part 2: "Attached Text" ]