From sunnyd@mail.gte.net Sun Sep 21 17:37:33 1997
Date: 21 Sep 1997 18:18:17 GMT
From: Angie <sunnyd@mail.gte.net>
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Microsoft's New TV Dinner

>         INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT
  >
  >      You must first remove the plastic cover.  By doing so you agree
  >      to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.  You may
  >      not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would
  >      constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights).  You may,
  >      however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are
  >      encouraged to tell them how good it is.
  >
  >      If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the
  >      oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
  >      <\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//  Then enter:
  >      <ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
  >
  >      If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The
  >      oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
  >
  >      If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the
  >      ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the
  >      weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and
  >      press start.  The oven will calculate the time and heat and
  >      cook the dinner exactly to your specification.
  >
  >      Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case
  >      your oven must be restarted.  This is a simple procedure.
  >      Remove the dinner from the oven and enter
  >      <ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.
  >
  >      This process may have to be repeated.  Try unplugging the
  >      microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work,
  >      contact your hardware vendor.
  >
  >      Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,
  >      larger than the dinner itself, having many useless
  >      compartments, most of which are empty.  These are for future
  >      menu items.  If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you
  >      will need to upgrade your equipment.
  >
  >      Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only
  >      the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another
  >      variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you
  >      really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you
  >      really need.
  >
  >      Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller
  >      versions of their chicken dinners.  Future releases will only
  >      be in the larger family size.  Excess chicken may be stored for
  >      future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved
  >      packaging.
  >
  >      Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.
  >      However, that version has yet to be released. Users have
  >      permission to get thrilled in advance.
  >
  >      Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
  >      freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost.  This is a
  >      feature, not a bug.  Your freezer probably should have been
  >      defrosted anyway.


....Angie