From _dude_@cyberdude.com Thu Oct 16 21:09:36 1997 Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 04:36:39 GMT From: Dude <_dude_@cyberdude.com> Reply-To: dude_@hotmail.com Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: Sex wisdom... : 1. The more beautiful the man is who loves you, the easier it is to leave : him with no hard feelings. : 2. Nothing improves with age. : 3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it bacause : it'll never be quite the same. : : 4. Sex has no calories. : 5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of : trouble. : 6. There is no remedy for sex except more sex. : 7. sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% of what people think you've : got. : 8. No sex with anyone in the same office. : 9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get : or how long it is going to last. : 10. If you've got them by the balls, the heart and mind will follow. : 11. A man in the house is worth two on the street. : 12. Virginity can be cured. : 13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops : listening to him. : 14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. : 15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same : ones she can't stand later. : 16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right. : 17. It is always the wrong time of the month. : 18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms. : 19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. : 20. sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't : either. : 21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night-Then on Sunday pray for crop : failure. : 22. The younger the better. : 23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. : 24. It was no the apple on the ground that caused the trouble in the : garden. : 25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. : 26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of : frogs. : 27. There may be somethings better than sex, and some things may be worse. : But there is nothing exactly like it. : 28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. : 29. Love is a hole in the heart. : 30. If the effort that went into research on the female bosom had gone : into our space program, we would now be selling hot dogs on the moon. : 31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter or physics. : 32. Do it only with the best. : 33. Sex is a three letter word which needs some old-fashioned four letter : words to convey its full meaning. : 34. One good turn gets most of the blankets. : 35. You can not produce nine babies in one month by impregnating nine : women. : 37. It is better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at : all. : 38. Thou shan't commit adultery...unless in the mood. : 39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. : 40. Abstain from wine, women and song. Mostly song. : 41. Never argue with a woman when she is tired--or rested. : 42. A woman never forgets the men she could of had. A man never forgets : the women he couldn't. : 43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the : stick. : 44. It is better be looked over than overlooked. : 45. NEVER say ne. : 46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. : 47. Folks playing leap frog must complete all jumps. : 48. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes right to the bone. : 49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. : 50. A man is only a man but a good bicycle is a ride. : 51. Love comes in spurts. : 52. The world does not revolve on an axis. : 53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are : unimportant. : 54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. : 55. Don't do it if you can't keep up. : 56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in : love. : 57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. : 58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. : 59. This won't hurt.....I promise.