>>A Skier's Dictionary >>==================== >>Condensed from "Skiing: A Skier's Dictionary" >>Henry Bread and Roy McKie >> >>Alp: >> One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. >> Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European. >> >>Avalanche: >> One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten >> timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First >> Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. >> >>Bindings: >> Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from serious injury during >> a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering >> across the slope where they trip two other skiers. >> >>Bones: >> There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however; >> the two bones of the middle ear have never been broken while skiing. >> >>Cross-Country Skiing: >> Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain technique. It's good exercise, >> doesn't require purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or >> lines. See also Cross-Country Something-Or-Other. >> >>Cross-Country Something-or-Other: >> Touring on skis along trails in scenic wilderness, gliding through >> snow-hushed woods far from the hubbub of the ski slopes, hearing >> nothing but the whispery hiss of the skis slipping through snow and >> the muffled screams of other skiers dropping into the puffy powder >> of a deep, wind-sculpted drift. >> >>Exercises: >> A few simple warm-ups to make sure you're prepared for the slopes: >> 1) Tie a cinder block to each foot and climb a flight of stairs. >> 2) Sit on the outside of a fourth-story window ledge with your >> skis on and your poles in your lap for at least 30 minutes. >> 3) Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; >> then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet. >> >>Gloves: >> Designed to be tight around the wrist to restrict circulation, >> but not so closefitting as to allow any manual dexterity; they >> should also admit moisture from the outside without permitting any >> dampness within to escape. >> >>Gravity: >> One of four fundamental forces in nature that affect skiers. >> The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; >> the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and >> electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive >> ski-resort parking lots. See Inertia. >> >>Inertia: >> Tendency of a skier's body to resist changes in direction or speed >> due to the action of Newton's First Law of Motion. Goes along with >> these other physical laws: >> 1) Two objects of different mass falling side by side will have >> the same rate of descent, but the lighter one will have larger >> hospital and home care bills. >> 2) Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but if it drops >> out of a parka pocket, don't expect to encounter it again in >> our universe. >> 3) When an irresistible force meets an immovable object (see "Tree") >> >>Prejump: >> Maneuver in which an expert skier makes a controlled jump just ahead >> of a bump. Beginners can execute a controlled pre-fall just before >> losing their balance and, if they wish, may precede it with either >> a pre-scream and a few pre-groans or simple profanity. >> >>Shin: >> The bruised area on the front of the leg that runs from the point >> where the ache from the wrenched knee ends to where the soreness >> from the strained ankle begins. >> >>Ski!: >> A shout to alert people ahead that a loose ski is coming down the >> hill. Another warning skiers should be familiar with is "Avalanche!" >> (which tells everyone that a hill is coming down the hill). >> >>Skier: >> One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them. >> >>Stance: >> Your knees should be flexed, but shaking slightly; your arms >> straight and covered with a good layer of goose flesh; your hands >> forward, palms clammy, knuckles white and fingers icy, your eyes a >> little crossed and darting in all directions. Your lips should be >> quivering, and you should be mumbling, "Am I nuts or what?" >> >>Thor: >> The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth. >> >>Traverse: >> To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple >> methods of reducing speed. >> >>Tree: >> The other method. >> >> >> Submitted by: Bruce Guthrie @ nmaa.org >> >> \\|// >> (o o) THE ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST >>~~~~~~~~~~~~oOOo~(_)~oOOo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> >>Steve Willoughby's E-mail: HOW TO SUBSCRIBE (It's FREE): >> >>---------------------------- -------------------------------- >>oracle@synapse.net To subscribe to the Oracle's mail list >> send a message with only the word >> SUBSCRIBE in the body (not the >> subject) of the message to: >> humour-list-request@lists.synapse.net >>WWW Site: >>------------- >>http://www.synapse.net/~oracle/Contents/HumorArch.html >> >> >>Copyright Information: >>------------------------- >>Steven Willoughby is not the author of this piece, and does not claim >>to own any copyright privileges to the piece. The work has been >>submitted to him as an item for the humor mailing list, and he has >>approved it based solely upon its humor content. The list is >>nonprofit. >> >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> >> >> > > >