Date: Mon, 09 Feb 1998 22:16:00 -0500
Subject: Sorority Chicks (fwd)

Hey guys, I found this funny thing about Frat stereotypes and I modified
it to be about us...

I am a sorority chick.  I go to frat parties.  I dance.  I especially
like to dance with my sisters.  I think that if independents were cool,
they would have gone through formal rush in the first place.  I know that
independents are jealous of my social life.  I believe that I am more
fun and am a harder partier that any GDI (god damned independent).  I am
exclusive because I hate you.  I make parties fun.  I am the reason
FIJI valentine exists.  I go to classes once a week and then pull A's by
showing a little leg because I am  a sorority chick.  I buy my friends.  I
joined a sorority to feel accepted.  I couldn't make friends when I came
to college so I paid for them instead.  I give more than $2,000 of my
parents money throughout the course of college to promote my sisters'
alcohol problem.  I drink because I am cool.  I drink a lot because I am
cooler than you. 
I haze my new mems.  I make them stand naked while I circle their fat. 
I make them drop to the ground when I scream AIR RAID.  They have to be
asked out by a certain number of Frat guys before they can be my sister.
I emotionally scar them for life.  I later ask them to become my sisters
if they haven't de-pledged along the way.  I am not an individual.  I
mimic the actions of my sorority sisters.  I drive a shiny red car because
my parents are proud that I am in a sorority.  I will never commit to
just one guy unless he spends more money on me than he does on himself.  I
like to tease guys.  I stay at the frat house after parties end and take
pleasure arousing men and then saying "no".  I am aware of my sexual
prowess and always use it to my advantage.  I have no independent
thought.  I look just like my sisters.  I act just like my sisters.  I
shake my firm little heinie just like my sisters.  I never study.  Thanks
to my good looks and charm I am able to talk my way into good grades.  I
am thankful that my sorority sisters will get me a job after graduation
because I know that I can't get one on my own.  All of my sweatshirts have
letters on them.  I own many cocktail dresses.  I wear beer goggles on
weekends.  My sorority letters are my license to be a bitch.  I am on a
nickname basis with at least three of the fraternities on campus.  I never
have to use the public restrooms at parties.  I get attention wherever I
go with my sisters.  I get even more attention when I am one on one.  I
know more than I should about many of the frat guys.  I enjoy getting in
free to frat parties and then drinking more than my fair share of their
alcohol.  I get pissed when my frat boyfriend leaves the seat up.  I can
tell you in advance when my entire sisterhood will be PMSing.  I am a
player.  I know that the men I date wouldn't know a bright comment if it
was written on their hand.  I only care about me.  I only got in to a
sorority because I am pretty.  You didn't get into a sorority because I am
prettier than you.  I will allow guys to think that I believe them in
order to use them for sex.  I especially did this when I was a freshman
because then they thought they were using me.  I judge other people and am
fully aware that I am God's gift.  I can tell you which bed is the most
comfortable in each frat house.
My goal in life is to dye my hair blonde, get breast implants, have my
rich daddy find me a nice rich boy to marry so that I can have all of
the parties I want and can stay away from the yucky middle class people
and go to Paris where I can be discovered and become a rich model and have
all of my husband's money when he dies.  I can't cook and I do laundry by
taking my beer stained party clothes to the dry cleaners.  I am what is
wrong with America, I am a sorority chick.