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From: tom.12@sympatico.ca
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Re: Looking for Voodoo Dick joke
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 01:52:29 -0700
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Dex wrote:
> 
> Hey does anyone have the Voodoo Dick Joke?d
> --
> Pray as though everything depended on God,
> then work as though everything depended on YOU. - Anonymous
> Check out my web page at: http://www2.cruzio.com/~dex
> --Hi Dex here it is...BUT first.

                         **THE HORNY HIPPIE**


A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at 
the next 
stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, " I can 
tell you 
how you can get that nun to have sex with you".
The hippie says that he'd love to know,  so the bus driver tells him that 
every
tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and pray's to 
God.

"If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would 
think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you. The 
hippie
 decides this is a great idea , so that tuesday he went to the cemertery 
and waits 
for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun.showed up ,while 
she 
was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says.

 "I  AM  GOD" 

I have heard your prayers and I will answer them  BUT ... first you must 
have sex with me.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity 
because she is 
married to the church.the hippie agrees to this and has his way with the 
nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts

 "Ha, Ha Ha  I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts

"Ha , Ha Ha  I'm the bus driver!!"   

                                                                         
                                                   Tom.                  
                 

                          **VOODOO DICK**

There was a businessman who going on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was flirtatious so he thought he'd try to get her 
something to keep her 
occupied while he was gone, He went to the sex store and started looking 
around. He was 
browsing through  the dildos, looking for something special and started 
talking to the old
man behind the counter.

He explined his situation. The old man said, "We have vibrating dildos, 
with special 
attachments, but I know don't of anything that will keep her occupied for 
weeks, 
except----and he stopped.
"EXCEPT WHAT?" the man asked.
"Nothing ,nothing."
"C'mon, C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I have this Enchanted  "VOODOO DICK" maybe it could help.
"So what's a voodoo dick?" he asked?
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, 
carved with
strange symbols.He opened it, and there lay a ordinary looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said " It looks like every other dildo in 
the shop!" 

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."He pointed 
to a door and said 
"VOODOO DICK MY DOOR" The voodoo dick rose out of it's box darted over to 
the door, 
and starting fucking the keyhole.
The whole door shook, but before the door fell off the hinge the old man 
said 
"VOODOO DICK BACK TO THE BOX" and it went back to the box.

"I"LL TAKE IT!" said the businessman . "It's not for sale the old man 
said but he finally 
agreed to $700.00.
You must remember to start it you say voodoo dick my ???
And more important to stop it you say voodoo dick back to the box.!!

The guy took it home to his wife, he told her it was a special dildo and 
that to use it,all she had to do was say "VOODOO DICK MY PUSSY!"
Than he left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he 
was gone.

After a few day's the wife was very horny, she remembered the voodoo dick 
her husband 
left her, when she said "VOODOO DICK MY PUSSY!" The voodoo dick shot from 
the box 
to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever 
felt before. After 
three or four orgasms she decided she had enough and tried to pull the 
voodoo dick out
 but it  was stuck in her still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it 
out, but nothing worked 
her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.

So she deided to go to the hospital, she got in her car and started to 
driver quivering 
with every thrust of the dildo one orgasm nearly made her swerve off the 
road.
A policeman. saw her swerving and pulled her over asked for her license, 
than asked how
much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she tryed to explain that she had  not been 
drinking, but that a 
voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and it wouldn't stop screwing her.
The cop looked at her for a second, and said .....

"yeah right  Voodoo dick  MY ASS"....
                                         Take care
                                           Tom