========
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Re: Signs your Webmaster is in a cult...
From: oeht@pacbell.net.boy.do.I.hate.these.spamblockers®.but.I.gotta.use.em.sorry.about.the.inconveivence (Theo )
Date: Thu, 10 Apr 1997 21:21:23 GMT

"Oh, what's my name" <shoot.sorry@whatsa.userid> wrote:

>15> Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com.

>14> Repetition of same banner ads: Stoli, Mott's...
>    Stoli, Mott's...

>13> He brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party.

>12> Instead of counting up visitors, your site counts down days
>    to the apocalypse.

>11> Suddenly your travel agency's site is featuring inter-planetary
>    excursions for comet watching and one-way tickets to Guyana.

>10> His home page says "Best viewed from the Mothership."

> 9> Your website's "Hall of Fame" inductees required to do
>    stint handing out flowers at airport.

> 8> Your website is honored as the David Koresh Fan Club's
>    "Site of the Day."

> 7> She/He has 38 roommates, yet is oddly stress-free.

> 6> Insists that Sabbath actually begins when "X-files" ends.

> 5> Frequently mutters about the "Prophet Steve Jobs" returning
>    to rescue the true believers.

> 4> Not only does he understand Unix, he *IS* one.

> 3> Big "N" on your browser replaced by spinning head of
>    Charles Manson.

> 2> He only answers to the name, "Doe-bert."

>and the Number 1 Sign Your Webmaster is in a Cult...

> 1> Ugly clothes; insufficient diet; lack of sleep; goofy haircut;
>    lives in a mansion; has many followe...  Hey, wait a minute!
>    That's Bill Gates!!

I thought you were supposed to leave the tag that shows it came from
topfive.com on when you repost the lists, I will show you the way you
SHOULD do it.


[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]  
[ The Top Five List   top5@walrus.com   http://www.topfive.com ]  
  

  
                      April 3, 1997  
  
  
          The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change
             if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long  
  
  
15> Wet willies from two tables away!  
  
14> Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least 
    a week or two.  
  
13> Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.  
  
12> Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.  
  
11> You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.  
  
10> Two-handed typing during cybersex!  
  
 9> Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and 
    poor?  Not a problem anymore!  
  
 8> You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.  
  
 7> For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.  
  
 6> You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in 
    proportion.  
  
 5> When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."  
  
 4> Tie a cherry stem with your tongue?  Hell, gobble a handful and
    weave a friggin' picnic basket!  
  
 3> Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern
    between Kool-Aid flavors.  
  
 2> Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second
    cleanest body part.  
  
  
    and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change 
        if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long...  
  
  
 1> The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in
    you, but you can't help but question her motives.