From nf-nt-smi.!news1.jaring.my!news2.jaring.my!news-out.internetmci.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!uunet!in3.uu.net!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!sprint!news-peer.gsl.net!portc01.blue.aol.com!audrey02.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Mon May 12 20:04:45 1997 Path: nf-nt-smi.!news1.jaring.my!news2.jaring.my!news-out.internetmci.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!uunet!in3.uu.net!206.229.87.25!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!sprint!news-peer.gsl.net!portc01.blue.aol.com!audrey02.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: lgeorgep@aol.com (LGeorgeP) Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Subject: ***ASSORTMENT OF WIFE/SORORITY JOKES*** Date: 30 Apr 1997 17:23:51 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 283 Message-ID: <19970430172200.NAA14050@ladder01.news.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ladder01.news.aol.com X-Admin: news@aol.com What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?" The other one says, "Relax. We just passed the tonsils." What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her. A midget sidles up to a tall blonde and says, "Hey, what do you say to a little fuck?" She says, "Hello, you little fuck." How are women and rocks alike? You skip the flat ones. How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get the remote. What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.? It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off. How do we know God is a man? Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate. What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers? Well-hung. >>> >>> >>> >>> Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night. He's on fire. >>> He gets naked, jumps into bed, and then starts groping her as soon as >>> she climbs in. >>> She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at >>> the dinner table." >>> He sits up, folds his hands on his lap, and says, "Is that better?" >>> She says, "Much better." >>> He says, "Okay. Now will you please pass the pussy." >>> >>> >>> Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair? >>> Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with >>> mud. >>> >>> >>> What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth? >>> Einstein's cock. >>> >>> >>> What does a Polish woman do after she sucks a cock? >>> Spits out the feathers. > > > > > > >SORORITY GIRL JOKES >>> >>> >>>Q: What do you say to a sorority girl that won't give in? >>> A: "Have another beer." >>> >>>Q: Why does a sorority girl wear underwear? >>> A: To keep her ankles warm. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Rolls Royce? >>> A: Not everybody has been in a Rolls Royce. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet? >>> A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it. >>> >>>Q: What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her look more >>>attractive? >>> A: Her ankles. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball? >>> A1: You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. >>> A2: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to. >>> A3. You can't fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball. >>> A4. There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes >>>to poke. >>> >>>Q: How are a bowling ball and a sorority girl alike? >>> A: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them >>>in the gutter and they'll always come back. >>> >>>Q: What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers? >>> A: Sorority girls cost less per score. >>> >>>Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant? >>> A: About 40 pounds. >>>Q2: How do you equalize the two? >>> A2: Feed the elephant. >>> >>>Q: What is the first thing that a sorority girl does in the morning? >>> A1: Introduces herself. >>> A2: Walks home. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic? >>> A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. >>> >>>Q: How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm? >>> A: She drops her nail file. >>> >>>Q: What's a sorority girl's favorite wine? >>> A: "Daaaaaaady, I want to go to Mi-ammmmmmi." >>>Q: What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an ape? >>> A: Don't know. There's only so much an ape can be forced to do... >>> >>>Q: Why is a sorority girl like a door knob? >>> A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn. >>> >>>Q: How do you get a sorority girl in your bed? >>> A: Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door, and throw a >>>twinkie on the bed. >>> >>>Q: Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll? >>> A: You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between sorority girls and garbage? >>> A: Garbage gets taken out once a week. >>> >>>Q: What do you call a 100 sorority girls bathing on a beach in Cuba? >>> A: Bay of Pigs. >>> >>>Q: What do you call a sorority girl hang-gliding festival? >>> A: Multiple total eclipses. >>> >>>Q: What is a sorority girl's mating call? >>> A: "I'm sooooooo drunk, I'm sooooooo drunk." >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a dog? >>> A: Driver's will swerve to miss the dog. >>> >>>Q: Why is a sorority girl like railroad tracks? >>> A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country. >>> >>>Q: What three words will a sorority girl never hear? >>> A: "Attention K-Mart shoppers." >>> >>>Q: How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb? >>> A1: 1, she holds on to it, and the world revolves around her. >>> A2: 2, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaaddy. >>> A3: 6, one to screw it in, and five to make T-shirts. >>> A4: 7, one to change it, and six to go out and buy more Diet Pepsi. >>> A5: 10, Nine to stand around scratching their heads, and one to get >>>her boyfriend to do it. >>> A6: 65, one to change it, and 64 to sing and clap. >>> >>>Q: Why does a sorority girl close her eyes during sex? >>> A: So she can fantasize about shopping. >>> >>>Q: What is a sorority girl's favorite position? >>> A: Facing Bloomingdale's. >>> >>>Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and Jell-O? >>> A: Jell-O wiggles when you eat it. >>> >>>Q: What do you call a sorority girl's waterbed? >>> A1: Lake Placid. >>> A2: The Dead Sea. >>> >>>Q: How do you know when a sorority girl is a nymphomaniac? >>> A: She'll make love the same day she had her hair done. >>> >>>Q: What's a sorority girl's idea of natural childbirth? >>> A: No make-up. >>> >>>Q: How do you prevent a sorority girl from having sex? >>> A: Marry her. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a broom closet? >>> A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. >>> >>>Q: What is foreplay for a sorority girl? >>> A: Thirty minutes of begging. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority and a circus? >>> A: A circus is a cunning array of stunts. >>> >>>Q: What does a sorority girl make for dinner? >>> A: Reservations. >>> >>>Q: How is a sorority girl like a vacuum? >>> A1: They both suck. >>>Q2: How are they different? >>> A1: You can buy a new vacuum when you get sick of it. >>> A2: You can buy a new vacuum when it no longer sucks. >>> A3: When a vacuum cleaner is full of shit, it's easy to dump the old >>>bag. >>> A4: A vacuum cleaner can't suck a golf ball through a garden hose. >>> A5: A vacuum cleaner can't suck start a Harley. >>> >>>Q: How do you get four sorority girls on one chair? >>> A1: Tell them there is a rich guy sitting on it. >>> A2. Turn the chair over and put one on each leg.. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority track team and a tribe of sly >>>pygmies? >>> A: The tribe of sly pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. >>> >>>Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and sorority girls have in common? >>> A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. >>> >>>Q: Why does a sorority girl wear a gold diaphragm? >>> A: So her boyfriend will think he is coming into money. >>> >>> Q: What did the sorority girl say when she knocked over the priceless Ming >>>vase? >>> A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a >>>sorority girl? >>> A: A prostitute says, "Are you done yet?", a nymphomaniac says, >>>"You're done already?", and a sorority girl says, "Beige...I think I'll >>>paint the ceiling beige." >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a rooster? >>> A: In the morning, a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a >>>sorority girl says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." >>> >>>Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? >>> A: A case of Schlitz. >>> >>>Q: How does a sorority girl commit suicide? >>> A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a phone booth? >>> A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. >>> A2. Only one person can use the phone at once. >>> >>>Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a sorority girl? >>> A1: Nothing. There are some things a sorority girl won't do. >>> A2: Don't know, but it sure enjoys screwing people. >>> A3: Don't know, but when it sucks your cock, it doesn't stop until it >>>gets blood. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a barracuda? >>> A: Nail polish. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and parsley? >>> A: You don't eat parsley. >>> >>>Q: Why are a tampon and a sorority girl similar? >>> A: They are both stuck up cunts. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Porsche? >>> A: You can only fit two people in a Porsche. >>> >>>Q: What's a sorority girl's favorite credit card? >>> A: Daddy's. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a freezer? >>> A: The freezer is 10 degrees warmer. >>> >>>Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a whale? >>> A: The mustache. >>> >>>Q: What is a sorority girl's definition of kinky sex? >>> A: She moves. >>> >>>Q: Why do sorority girls like their men circumcised? >>> A: They like anything that's 20% off. >>> >>>Q: How does a sorority girl do it doggie style? >>> A: Her lover sits up and begs while she rolls over and plays dead.